I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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