Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
