Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
