I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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