last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
