one might say we're banned from that church
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You left your phone here
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