the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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