wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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