Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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