omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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