Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
