at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
