Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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