I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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