mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
