i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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