It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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