Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
