Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
