Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
