Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
