I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
