I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
