Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
