you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
