Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
