Define "chronic" masturbator.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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