He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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