why didn't you poke me back
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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