3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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