there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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