WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
