wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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