In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I will pee on everything he values.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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