what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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