my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
