I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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