fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
