Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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