dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
