why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
