His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize