it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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