you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
