I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
