Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
