I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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