you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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