I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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