I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
