I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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