My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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