literally had 100 drinks last night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
