Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
