He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
