Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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