the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The adults are the big ones right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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