well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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