you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
