Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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