i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Bring me that man meat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
