I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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