I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
